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Photo by Yulia Shur

Loving someone can make it difficult to recognize how much of yourself you’ve given away. You convince yourself that another apology, another chance, or another version of the same promise will make things different. Eventually, the person you’re trying to hold on to becomes inseparable from the person you’re losing yourself to be. That complicated relationship between attachment and identity sits at the center of Amira Elfeky’s debut album, It Was Only A Dream. Across 12 tracks, the rising alternative artist moves between shoegaze, metal, alternative rock, and pop, examining the messier sides of love while questioning what remains when those relationships begin to fall apart.

“Breakdown” sets the tone with a sense of desperation that carries through its crushing instrumentals and dreamy vocal melodies. Elfeky sings about feeling like a stranger to herself, describing a familiarity with misery that has become increasingly difficult to escape. Her repeated demand for a breakdown isn’t necessarily a desire for destruction, but for something to finally change. That urgency takes a different form on “I Don’t Want To Fall In Love,” where hypnotic grooves and polished pop melodies accompany a much more guarded perspective. There’s an obvious desire for intimacy, but also a fear of what happens when you give too much of yourself to someone else. The explosive screams that interrupt the song’s otherwise sleek arrangement make that frustration particularly effective.

“Wish You The Best” drops any pretense of taking the high road. Its sweeter pop-rock arrangement contrasts with lyrics directed at someone who has repeatedly used affection as a bargaining tool. Elfeky eventually admits that she doesn’t wish them well at all, turning the familiar language of a breakup into something considerably more bitter. That emotional volatility reaches another level on “Funeral,” one of the album’s most interesting productions. Combining neon electronic textures, choppy break beats, choral arrangements, and explosive breakdowns, the track turns unrequited devotion into something almost theatrical. Its central question, whether someone who has caused you so much pain would even attend your funeral, captures the absurdity of continuing to seek affection from someone who repeatedly demonstrates how little they care.

On “Erase Me,” Elfeky addresses the feeling of being discarded and replaced, while “Bruises” focuses on the exhaustion of repeatedly begging for someone’s love. Both songs explore the damage left behind by relationships in which affection becomes something you have to earn. “Enemy” takes that attachment into more complicated territory, blurring the distinction between desire and hostility. Its lyrics suggest a relationship where possession and chemistry become difficult to separate from genuine connection. Meanwhile, “Ugly” questions the difference between loving someone for who they actually are and loving the version you’ve constructed in your imagination. There’s a particularly cutting observation in the suggestion that someone can appear beautiful until you begin to recognize what’s underneath.

“Tired” marks an important shift in perspective. Rather than focusing only on another person’s actions, Elfeky turns inward, confronting her own exhaustion and the difficulty of escaping the person she’s become. Her desire to return to a version of herself that existed before everything became so overwhelming feels especially revealing. But the album doesn’t offer an easy answer. “Oxygen” returns to the desperation of missing someone so intensely that their absence feels physical, questioning who you are when love has become such a significant part of your identity.

“I Want It All,” a personal favorite on the album, is a long-teased and exciting offering that dives headfirst into themes of desire. Its repeated declaration of wanting everything speaks to a desire for more, whether that’s love, connection, or simply the opportunity to experience everything life offers. There’s something deeply relatable about refusing to limit what you want, particularly when you’re still figuring out what that might look like.

Closing with “Always, Forever,” Elfeky returns to the darker side of romantic attachment. Its warped synths and seductive melodies initially suggest something almost dreamlike, but the possessive language underneath tells a considerably less comforting story. Rather than offering a neat resolution to the album’s questions about love and identity, the track leaves us with another relationship defined by obsession and control.

On this record, Elfeky approaches complex subjects without restricting herself to one musical vocabulary. The pop sensibilities of “I Don’t Want To Fall In Love” and the electronic experimentation of “Funeral” sit comfortably alongside the heavier breakdowns of “Erase Me” and “Bruises.” Her melodies make the songs immediately inviting, but the feelings underneath them are rarely so easy to digest. Across her debut full-length, Elfeky demonstrates she doesn’t have to choose between the accessibility of pop and the aggression of alternative music. If anything, she proves she has the distinct perspective to wield both with ease and grace.

Listen to 'It Was Only A Dream' below:

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